Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The Secret to our Marriage

Today marks our two-year anniversary.  In some ways, I feel like we got married yesterday...in others, I feel like we've been together for a lifetime.  
We're still in our little farmhouse, on our little farm.  We've a little garden, and a little front porch, but we've got some big memories already--our first fight, our first Christmas, our first pets {RIP our poor little gerbil}, and three Disney trips.  Big memories in a small town somehow seem more meaningful.
I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that I love my husband as much as I did two years ago when I pledged to love him for forever.  If it's even possible, I love him more.  He makes me want to be a better version of myself.  He makes me want to set my selfish tendencies aside.  He makes me long for a little white farmhouse with a vegetable garden in the back and little babies playing on soft, green grass.  By his actions, it's evident that he loves Christ first, and me second.  
If I have on secret to share with you...one good tidbit of advice, it's this:

never, ever, ever say anything negative about your spouse to anybody but your spouse

My girlfriends at work literally think that my husband is some kind of Adonis who has graced us with his presence.  You want to know why?  I absolutely, positively refuse to say negative things about him.  I make it a daily goal to say only positive things about him throughout the day...and just like the old adage says, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
  In return, my husband never, ever, ever says anything negative about me to people outside of our relationship.  It was a promise we made each other on our wedding night.  Josh recently said that a younger coworker stated that I must be a "mix of June Cleaver and Miss March."  Though I'm most likely a nag {aren't we all?}, my husband chooses to only discuss my more negative qualities with me.  This concept is biblical.  In Matthew 18, we're reminded to confront our brothers and sisters with an issue before mentioning it to others.  More often than not, the issue can be resolved.
Is our marriage perfect?  Of course not.  We bicker and nit-pick with the best of them.  We've both raised our voices and there was this one time that I may or may not have thrown a high heel at him.  There have been tears and arguments.  But that daily promise to keep our negative thoughts within our relationship has made us a united, strong unit.  
And here we are...two years later.  I can say without a doubt that when you mostly focus on the positive, the negative gets tucked away into the back of your mind.  It's always there, but it's not the main focus.  So here's my challenge to you, a little experiment:  spend a week making the daily promise to only speak positively about your spouse.  If you've got something negative to say, save it for your spouse.  I've discovered that, more often than not, the negative thing you're so upset about will seem a lot less important when you focus on something positive instead.  

To my husband of two years:  I absolutely adore you.  I'm thankful that you swept me off my feet and made me feel so beautiful way back when.  Thank you for being the leader in all things spiritual in our household.  Thank you for loving me as Christ loves the Church.  



  1. I absolutely love this! Although I'm not married yet...and don't look for that to happen anytime soon...I wanted you to know that you have given solid advice. I have found out the hard way about the negativity, and yes I'm still learning. I'm so happy to know that everything is still going so well with your marriage. May God continue to bless it :-) love yall!

  2. I love this. The way you talk about your partner has so much power!

  3. You have left your tired father crying again at 1:21 a.m.

    I am blessed beyond measure to have a great family and friends.

    Early voting for Parks White for DA starts July 9. Vote early and vote often.

    David Phillips

  4. i really needed to read this tonight. thank you.


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